A thought.. and a thought too many!

Well..it had to get over didnt it.. and the exams finally did!!!!!
whats the problem then you might ask!?! Well..the question here is, where is all the exhiliration and zest and finally finishing with these darned things?!?!!Lol.. like Kavya said .. its none of the"feeling-like-falling-on-the-ground-and-kissing-it" variety of happiness that we used to experience so frequently(that would courtsey ummm the frequent NUMBER of exams) last year..But nonetheless.. it was fun..we did the thing we excel at the most.. looking at clothes in central and fantasising we had money enough to buy them :P
Whew... last year....a world of change is what I have experienced since that time..!!
Best friends made, the worst kinds of fights, the mud slinging ones that turned more bitter then I could have imagined,drifting apart from the people I held really close to my heart.. but yeah, life aint all that bad ;)
I found new people, friends that I have managed to hold on to, relationships that could last a lifetime :)
Lol... sometimes you just feel like sitting back and watching life go past.. just letting it take its course.. and somehow go with the flow you want it to..
yeah.. I do sorta realise I am not making the least sense right now :P
There are so many times.. especially in your teenage.. when you find yourselves at a crossroad of sorts..to do or not to do? Now THAT is a question!Theres such a vast difference in perspective from person to person, and I find myself being in conflict with other people so many times..maybe, its the difference in background...the difference in lifestyles..but it leaves me so confused and unsure.. is standing up for what you belive in and arguing it worth being put down in front of an umpteen people who think you're being silly( and in my case... I mostly am!!!), is doing what you want to..following your instincts, worth going against the more practical and sensible judgement of others who are right?Are my looks, my weight, my dressing so important that it is what I am judged by.. and admittedly what I tend to judge other people with too.. When is it that I would stop being envious of other people..and yeah I am..(God..someone shoot me before I make too many confessions I am going to regret!) because of petty reasons like flawless skin, a perfectly thin figure, an verflowing wardrobe that I wish I had....or being overtly possesive to the point(I am SO sure) of being suffocating for the people I love? It seems so tough to be secure within the parameters you live your life in... always something you want that you don't have,someone you want to be there for you who probably doesnt understand, and of course all those aforementioned superficialities... that seem to be scarily forming such an important part of my life these days...
At such times...I totally feel the absence of a sibling ..someone to bail you out of practically any situations with your parents,who gives you unconditional love despite all your numerous faults, whom I could tell anything..absolutely anything with the conviction that regardless of however wrong or right it maybe i wouldnt be partonised,someone to sit and pour my heart out to even in the middle of the night..,someone I could depend on..ALL the time..Lol.. I see so many siblings around me.. just having the time of their lives.. and I feel like I want all of it...the groping for more parental attention, the bickering, the silly games when you are bored, the teasing,the im promptu plans you are allowed to since you are going together,late night chats.. everything..but then i guess its too late for all that now .. :P
I guess I do know its amazingly stupid and silly of me to be wistful over something that can't be help.. but its just that when I am crying my head off over another fight and feeling terribly alone,or singing to myself coz I'm happy and still feeling alone.. I just wish there was someone who would make me smile even when I am down in the dumps,someone who would defend me all the time even if I am in the worng and noone would be able to say a thing,who would tell me to shut up because I was being an idiot, or who would just share my happiness because they would know EXACTLY how much something meant to me...
Ya.. it can be fun being the only child,being spoilt for choice and having the undivided attention of you parents yada yada.. but I still miss all of this.. and for all I know... a lot more...
Nikho =)