Tired.. and how!!?!!?

STATUTARY NOTE: In case you're looking for something good to read.. do yourself and me a favour.. pass this entry.. I dont even know why I posted it in the first place!

God... After that sudden spurt of writing that took me over. I am suddenly at a loss on what to write..!

I told you Rituraj thats going to happen... didn't I ?!?!?! Huh, Huh?!!??! Well.. Can I just say I TOLD YOU SO :P :P
Lifes hectic these days.....No I mean really,really hectic..uhmm ok barring my days at school :P a majority of which is spent sleeping on my desk... hehe

Most of my days though.. seem to be spent in making decisions.. .. small ones, big ones, tough ones.. sigh and it really doesnt seem to end..

But I miss being free.. and having time to waste.. go out.. do stuff... and that sort of thing..Nahh.. not that I dont like my classes.. anyones whose spoken to me for even 5 mins would know that :P

But its just that I miss having my friends around me.. being able to go for outings...to spend time with them...

A majority of my times these days seems to be spent either worrying about the impending edding,incidentally for which I havent bought a single thing... My MOMS shopping more than me...hello!!!!! Or thinking about class, and how I dont want to miss it..

strange isnt it.. when I had nothing to do ... i REALLY had nothing to do.. and now that one thing starts.. KABOOM its an explosion of sorts!!!
If I want to go for my brothers wedding(uhmmm..that would be an obvious..YES?!!?!?) I miss the club day(yeah.. i know I'm petty , so sue me:P),the 10 k run... and and and TWO CLASSES!!!!! shrieeek!!
But its just not that... I just feel so alienated.. from everyone I love and care about... its weird not having someone or the other calling me up every 5 minutes and telling me about some new triumph..however small..some trouble.. or even just how their day went....anything..!! Heck..forget about other people sharing their sorrows with me(for want of a better word.. I am kinda delirous right now :P ) .. I dont have anyone to share my day with anymore..!
This is a sort of first for me.. just being so alone, unwanted.. argh you get the point..Yea I know I probably sound like a self obsessed, narcisstic and whiny freak... but then, thats what its my blog for, aint it :P :P :P
Ouch.. I sound like a... umm.. meanie.. (I am kinda trying not swear here... just in case it escapes your notice.. :-/)

Another wedding, on the 2nd... and of my closest brothers.. and I'm not attending it coz I have my winter funk... Good god.. I sound like a selfish wacked out freak even to myself....would dying with guilt be an exaggeration.. uhmm I guess so.. but trust me... I am CLOSE to it.. ohh and when I try to mention this to my dad .. (ya.. ummm now I'm resorting to making my parents my agony aunts AND my punching bags)... he voices his main concern.. that would be.. sudden sprouting of those million pimples yet again on my face, and how I am going to look all ugly with them..my pimples...I kid you not.. and thats so toally in my hands..NOT.As if I already dont know how bad my face has been looking with them.. my so called friends...never spare any opportunity to inform me about that, so dad..uhmm just get in the queue won't you..

There I go again..

Maybe Lifes good.. maybe I Just cant see it.. but it just feels like my mind is determined to be depressed right now..and trust me.. that is NOT a good state to be in..

tata for now.. please don't kill me after and IF (holy lord..NO!) you read this post.. and don't worry I aint sucidal :P

Nikho...

The fast (that is SO me...NOT) and the FURIOUS!

God.. I'm such such a hypocrite.. I know I never,ever return calls, I don't go for sleepovers even my friend practically begs me coz I dont feel like it.. but whew am I furious, now that I've been stood up..!!O.o I'm in rage, boy o boy I'm boiling!



I just hate it when people take me for granted.. yeah, change plans at the drop of a hat, and I am supposed to be totally fine with it. O.o



Maybe its finally time to execute my wild fantasy of going all alone to a mall and freaking out there... maybee I'll even book a ticket and watch a movie all by myslef there..maybe..!



Oh and then I get the line "good keep fighting only, when do we not fight" Oooooohh..AUDACITY! Its 1 pm on childrens day and I am sitting at home ranting and raving like a mad woman on my blog! Go Figure!



I should have seen this coming though.. it seems to me when I am particularly happy someday, it is inevitabely destined that I my mood should be royally,fantastically screwed up the next.



Woah.. I can practically feel the heat on my cheeks.



Murder anyone?



Strange.. how we just tend to take people so much for granted..! The last few days, I've been doing a lot of catching up with my pals in the middle of the night (at the expense of my poor mum's fury and dad's mobile bill :P) and I suddenly realised how much I was missing out on their lives and mine!



How does it inevitabely happen... that when you are so close to one friend, one person, you just sidetrack the rest..!!? ( ok, ok.. happens just with me...baah!)



I wish I wasn't so bad at maintaining friendships though... coz I really have a bunch of truly amazing people to thank for.. particularly when they calm me down in moods like this... if only with their non commital hmm's (LOL!)


(I just felt like putting that.. no significance whatsoever :P Family Circus RULES!)

Kavya: Ok.. I've already spared a WHOLE blog entry for you havn't I?!?! Don't think I don't remember toopid girl.. coz I do...! *Evil Laugh* :D... But ur the beshtesht..the beshhteessht ever even though you havent been calling, and even if I think I dont get my due attention from you :P :P :P ( i sound like a jealous boyfriend!) I still love you :D



Aashay: Even though I'm mad at you, oh yeah... really really mad,super duper mad.. you can be a decent guy when you want to :P and a good listener, and lots of fun, and silly, and stupid oopz we were talking about your good qualities right.. anger and writing something about you so do not board well togther.. oh well..you are good, like really really good at making me shut up when I'm having a panic attack and uber sweet, and you let me sneeze like a crazy lady on your towel,and ok i 'll stop now :P... hmm yeah.. your not so bad yourself.. I might even heart you too :P <3



Amruta: Wacked out freak you might be, but a nice one :D ... Your stupid jokes I like, your dumb sarcastic remarks I like,Your never ending patience for my tantrums I like, your affinity for chocolate and french fries I like,your always being there for me whatever I like,our bus conversations everyday I like, Your Vacs cravings I like, you I like too!!!!! Gonna miss you when you run off to some dumb college :( :(



Rachina: Raaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiichuu!! Chi.. the mere mention of you name makes me hyper..! From the midnight conversations.. about stuff like 2 year olds views on LOOS ( you know you're uber gross..DONT YOU) to singing on the phone together.. you are cuteness personfied.. you are like the perfect thing,perfect daughter, perfect student, and a perfect friend.One of the reaally, really good influences on my life.. Your the least judgemental person, but everything seems so objective and clear from your perspective all the time..!Someday I am going to record you singing a song, and then you'll realise how cute you sound..! If I were a guy I would have sure shot fallen for you :P Just keep that wit going.. gonna miss you too u



freak :( :( :(



Bhavna: Oye Pataka... thanks for making life in the commerce section so much fun!You are the one person who simbly cracks me up in splits with the most normal stuff.Your matter of fact way of saying the most atrocious things, your soaring popularity,the way I know you


re always going to forgive me even when I don't call you after I promised to,they way you embrace life and whatever comes in the package..you probably don't know it..but you taught me a lot..about really enjoying life,about loyalty,friendship and about loving yourself the way you are.. and I thought I WAS outgoing..!!!SWEET!!!!!!!! :P :P :P



Varun: O.o How could I forget you re :P mad fellow only. Your annoying habbit of wishing anything (ANYTHING... remember 5th nov dont u shamelss fellow) at 11:59 in the night, to being one of the most patient listeners when I was sobbing on the phone (Galeez..how COULD I do that!!), to being subject to the most wacky of my plans.. You're one of my closest friends, we might have our fights but I know that I can always, always count on you.. and I hope you know the same..Thanks for being there.. through the toughest to happiest times.. you just rock..!



Ok.... now my mum's shouting.. I better get going before something unforseen happens, uhmm like me getting killed for example..!?!!?



Hehe... testimony to my friends will be continued.. :P So manny more people who mean so much more to me,and it is so shameless not to be mention them here..!! hehe.. another day is all It'll take though :D :D :D





Luffffff and lots of it!!
Nikho =)

Bored, Bummed and Busted!

Ok.. so I did very sadly, hit upon the realisation,that I am no more the adept nocturnal creature I once was.* sob sob* One day of staying awake till 4 30 for my parents, and I feel like I've had a hangover(HAHA...I WISH)...

One of those times when you feel like everything, from the (now,owing to due to repeateed hearings that I've noticed tend to destroy the value of most songs I like :P)irritating song by Shreya Ghosal from Jab We Met that my mom for some reason has insisted on playing 3 times as of now,the computer monitor that I have been staring at glazy eyed for the ummm.. past..ok wait, you are better of not knowing,and my very own sleepy headed existence seem pretty much surreal.

Today is one of those days, when I just feeel like spending time with myself..o.O, sitting around doing things I do everyday only with a more martyrlike(read bored) and depressed air :P

I feel like going out to a mall today, and spending some kazillion hours there today, doing window shopping for all the time I want.. all alone :P(and no, thats something I do NOT do on a regular basis...hah..I wish), switch my phone off and have something really chocolate.. like really, really chocolate... like the death by chocolate kinds..and Dahi chaat.. with lots of crunchy papdi and meethi chutney.. ...mmmmmmm!

Lol.. its like that feeling of unavoidable doom that you get ... oh wait, might that JUST be the impending results that will (predictebly) create hell and havoc..But nah, I cant really blame it on my results,or the way my mum has taken to lecturing me about what exactly I am doing wrong (which umm turns out to be quite a lot judging by the frequency of aforementioned pearls of wisdom) every 2 mins,just good ol Sundays that usually have this effect on you..

Was just going through my now LIMITED documents(thanks to my Hard Drive crashing, AGAIN!) and this was something, I wrote down while another one of those business studies classes where I am scrambling for any possible means of keeping myself from plonking asleep right away... incidentally.. i find scribbling nonsensical phrases on my dupatta quite therupatic in this respect :P

Oh ya...getting back to this thing I found, hehe... here it is :P

Have you ever noticed when its one of those days….!?!?

Have you noticed how, on these certain days when perhaps the sun rises from the wrong side or pink wolves have been howling in the night, that just EVERYTHING seems to go wrong? We just thought we could capture some of those truly memorable moments for u ;)

1. When that dress at Sindhi colony you were pining for is sold out as soon as you have the money to buy it?


2. When you teacher has to be in a bad mood and throw you out of class for not getting your notes or just when you forgot yours at home.


3. When the rain god decided to turn uncharacteristically generous just as you decided to don your favorite white tee.


4. When the RTC bus HAS to come 5 minutes early the day you are a bit slow on the uptake ;)


5. When the day you have that big party you want to dazzle at, you are bound to get the most horrendous looking zit just where it is the most noticeable


6. When you can trip on each of the many potholes that there are on the roads in the city, YOU WILL!


7. When the guy you have the hots for comes with a deep root red blush to tell you how much he “loaves” your best friend


8. When you and your best friend just have to make complete fools of yourselves in an up market restaurant just when the cute guy at the opposite table happens to glance in your direction


9. When the day you decide to take your cell phone to school is the day you WILL be busted without fail


10. When the day you chance a bunk at college is when the lecturer will cover the maximum portion, or rather worse the class will have the most free periods on ;)

Oh yea.. and when there is a wedding in my family on the 25th November, and one that I really badly want to attend(since,now thanks to aformentioned luck I cant attend the second one ..sigh):

• The club day has to be on the 24th of November, as opposed to the EIGHTEENTH last year


• A NATIONAL LEVEL debate has to come up in the precisely same week that I have to forgo


• SPB has to be super fun during this one week so that I totally, completely ,stupidely adamant about not giving it up


• The city 10K marathon has to be on the 25th.. as opposed to TWENTY EIGHTH last year

I tell you, whichever idiot said there's justice in the world, needs to come live with my... for like just 24hrs to know what I am talking bout..

A highly delusional,

Nikho =/

Lights,Love and Laughter =)

Whew.. these two days=whirlwind..! And in a nice, happy , busy kind of way I mean :D..where life seems full, and you can't really complain coz you love it!
I finally.. finally.. saw Jab We Met yesterday... KEYOOT is NOT the word..!!!
Just one of those movies, that make you leave the theater with a warmy fuzzy feeling and a stupid grin from ear to ear on your faces =).. so that was like good fun :).. hehe.. and yep thanks to the company too :P wacked out cinematic experience, what with all the bickering, but fun all the same!
Being Diwali of course.. the day apart from the morning was spent in family bonding, a marathon number of calls.. and just fraternising in general :)
Its funny isn't it, how these days give you such a perfect excuse and actually more of a compulsion to go out and meet and talk to people,whine about wearing a salwar kurta but enjoy dressing up all the same :),gorge on the perfectly delectable homemade sweets,bond with everyone around you, talk a lot on the phone on the pretext of Diwali and just have a nice time in general....
No crackers though..becoming a more pollution consious person hehe :P.. o.O
Strange how it didn't even affect me that there were no crackers for my Diwali this year... I just remember the time 2-3(ok ok TWO...sheesh!) years back when I would be begging dad for more n more crackers, wishing for an inexhaustable list of the best ones :D
But then as Nadia and me were talking, it feels like we've had our fills of those colourful anars,chakris and the bombs..now , we're perfectly content to sit on the sides, chat and watch the firworks go off punctuated by the occassional ka boooms :)
Dead tired today though... Irshikaa's birthday party in the evening.. which was a blast..!!!
It was so nice hanging out with my school friends for a change, to top it all.. it was an all girls bash :P.. so all of us were at perfect liberty to freak out completely..which we totally took advantage of :D.. so all in all, I really can't complain... hehe
Lol.. isnt it funny how some things, even just words, just have that exquisite quality of making you feel good,and give you that nice warm feeling ...making you all yappy yappy :D
Yooouuu knowww.. likee...

1. HuGz:Hehe, as much as I am not to comfortable with the whole concept unless I know the person super well.. the sound of this word just seems to give you this feeling of assurance,security.. hehe..like whenever anything goes wrong with either of us at school.. the first thing we end up asking each other is "Hug..."!!?!?! gayyy but i still like it :D :D
2. SuRpRiSeS: O.o thats one word that has me jumping up and down with anticipation =)..I mean what can be more nice than the feeling when some unexpected unintentionally intentionally planned good comes your way(too much dhoklas at Irshi's party getting to me now)..uh.. you get the point :P
3. ChOcOlAtEs: Chocolate Cakes, pastries,mousee,muffins,biscuits...I ask you can anything give you as much happiness as much as the perfectly made chocolate goody.. I of course am of the species who drools at the mere mention or picture of the aforementioned :P
4. SoFt ToYs: A room full of the most adorable,hugable teddy bears,bunnies and dooggiiess possible.. isnt that every girl's fantasy!?!?Lol.. I mean the more unapologetically cliche loving and self confessed girly types :P Even aisles full of those floppy things at malls or departmental shops just make me go weaakk in the knees :D
5. LeTtErS: I know its ancient, I know it doesn't happen anymore.. but still.. I just love getting those envelopes with my name on it,with no clue as to what it might contain.. yappy yappy!
6. LoVe SoNgS,MoVieS,BoOkS WiTh HaPpy EnDiNgS YaDa YaDa: Ooooooooo... Ur beaauutttiiful.. ur beauutiffull its true.... I saww ur face.. in a crowddeed place..n i dont knww what to do.. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww just listening to them makes you feel like you want to be in a relationship , with a guy wooing you all the time :) and those " When Harry met Sally" variety movies..?!!? Just reinstates your faith in everything cute and adorable worth believing in. And all those books by Meg Cabot, where everything just HAS to go right in the end? They are CUSTOM MADE for such wacked out lists :P
7. OlD PiCtUrEs:One of my favouritest things.. albums and old,ancient,ancient pictures that hold proof of a time you almost forgot ever existed.. though my delight and surprise at how cute I WAS might have a hand in this too :P
8. RaIn: How could rain not possibely figure in the scheme of things here :P pretty self explanotary for anyone who knows me :P
9. FrIeNdS: Of course friends make you feel yappy all over..!! they're the ones who make you yappy even where your in the dumps,the ones who bail you outta every situation,pals,friends,mates,best friends,=OVERLOAD of craziness :P
10. LoVe: O.o ever noticed how nice it feels to see people you really like in a happy relationship?!? And those really really cute couples, that make you go like Awwwwwwwwwww... and just make your day....How the guy you like can just make your day or even have the capability of destroying it? Lets not get to the destructive part though :P, I just love the emotion of love... and the uninhibition,oblivion and fantasy-ness (for want of a better word :P) that comes with it..!

I don't know what prompted me to draft out such silly things.. that admittedly still do have the capabiltity of making my day a kazillion times over :D... the funny thing is, that I didnt even have to stop once as I was putting (oops rather typing...ah the wonders of technology:P) these thoughts down.. Hehe.. and the songs that buzzing in my head right now..?

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,

bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,

brown paper packages tied up with strings,

these are a few of my favorite things.

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,

door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles.

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.

these are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in a white dresses with a blue satin sashes,

snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,

silver white winters that melt into springs,

these are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,

when I'm feeling sad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

and then I don't feel so bad.

And I sure am feeling good right now :D :D *touchwood* :P

Yappy Dappy

Nikho =)

A thought.. and a thought too many!

Well..it had to get over didnt it.. and the exams finally did!!!!!
whats the problem then you might ask!?! Well..the question here is, where is all the exhiliration and zest and finally finishing with these darned things?!?!!Lol.. like Kavya said .. its none of the"feeling-like-falling-on-the-ground-and-kissing-it" variety of happiness that we used to experience so frequently(that would courtsey ummm the frequent NUMBER of exams) last year..But nonetheless.. it was fun..we did the thing we excel at the most.. looking at clothes in central and fantasising we had money enough to buy them :P
Whew... last year....a world of change is what I have experienced since that time..!!
Best friends made, the worst kinds of fights, the mud slinging ones that turned more bitter then I could have imagined,drifting apart from the people I held really close to my heart.. but yeah, life aint all that bad ;)
I found new people, friends that I have managed to hold on to, relationships that could last a lifetime :)
Lol... sometimes you just feel like sitting back and watching life go past.. just letting it take its course.. and somehow go with the flow you want it to..
yeah.. I do sorta realise I am not making the least sense right now :P
There are so many times.. especially in your teenage.. when you find yourselves at a crossroad of sorts..to do or not to do? Now THAT is a question!Theres such a vast difference in perspective from person to person, and I find myself being in conflict with other people so many times..maybe, its the difference in background...the difference in lifestyles..but it leaves me so confused and unsure.. is standing up for what you belive in and arguing it worth being put down in front of an umpteen people who think you're being silly( and in my case... I mostly am!!!), is doing what you want to..following your instincts, worth going against the more practical and sensible judgement of others who are right?Are my looks, my weight, my dressing so important that it is what I am judged by.. and admittedly what I tend to judge other people with too.. When is it that I would stop being envious of other people..and yeah I am..(God..someone shoot me before I make too many confessions I am going to regret!) because of petty reasons like flawless skin, a perfectly thin figure, an verflowing wardrobe that I wish I had....or being overtly possesive to the point(I am SO sure) of being suffocating for the people I love? It seems so tough to be secure within the parameters you live your life in... always something you want that you don't have,someone you want to be there for you who probably doesnt understand, and of course all those aforementioned superficialities... that seem to be scarily forming such an important part of my life these days...
At such times...I totally feel the absence of a sibling ..someone to bail you out of practically any situations with your parents,who gives you unconditional love despite all your numerous faults, whom I could tell anything..absolutely anything with the conviction that regardless of however wrong or right it maybe i wouldnt be partonised,someone to sit and pour my heart out to even in the middle of the night..,someone I could depend on..ALL the time..Lol.. I see so many siblings around me.. just having the time of their lives.. and I feel like I want all of it...the groping for more parental attention, the bickering, the silly games when you are bored, the teasing,the im promptu plans you are allowed to since you are going together,late night chats.. everything..but then i guess its too late for all that now .. :P
I guess I do know its amazingly stupid and silly of me to be wistful over something that can't be help.. but its just that when I am crying my head off over another fight and feeling terribly alone,or singing to myself coz I'm happy and still feeling alone.. I just wish there was someone who would make me smile even when I am down in the dumps,someone who would defend me all the time even if I am in the worng and noone would be able to say a thing,who would tell me to shut up because I was being an idiot, or who would just share my happiness because they would know EXACTLY how much something meant to me...
Ya.. it can be fun being the only child,being spoilt for choice and having the undivided attention of you parents yada yada.. but I still miss all of this.. and for all I know... a lot more...
Nikho =)