There's something exciting, positively exhilirating about living on your own( as much on your own you can be anyways, when you live with your brothers :D ).. its more than just mere independence..its a high, addictive and scary.

Of course theres the stuff that you're prepared for, feeling the crunch of money(and going and spending all of it anyways :P ) , feeling lost , unsure and unprepared... but theres also so much more.. the sense of unparalleled satisfaction at menial triumphs(THE local train however is definitely NOT menial), and a heightened sense of awareness.. of everything.. from every small luxury that I've had, to the troubles that I never fathomed.

Its difficult and very,very trying.. I've cried myself to sleep, and even wished time back,but now.. older(by a grand total of 2 weeks) and wiser,it was worth it =)

So here I am.. big dreams, big plans, all of 17 and raring to go..having conquered that 1st week in a huge city and a huge-ER college(:P) ..I've had my good days, and the really, really bad ones..

And so fellow deliquents I have discovered,

1. My love for greys anatomy still remains, as does my love for chocolate :P
2. Contrary to popular opinion and speculation, my wallet,mobile,AND camera are still intact (haha...in your face :D)
3. I like rains,in fact I love them.. but just not enough to be able to love them when they lash out at your face 24 X 7 :P
4. Local trains are my thing :D .. theres something very nice about elbowing your way into the second class apartment(with your bag hung like armour so that the pickpockets dont hit a gold mine :P ) just so that you can stand in what seems a place that houses the entire population of mumbai :P
5. My brothers are actually fun people to be with and we DO get along very well :P. Also, they like me ! Yay! *
6. It is very, VERY expensive to live on your own.. particularly when your sales resistance to good clothes is nil
7. I was living in paradise as far as friends were concerned in Hyderabad.Sometimes you just have to learn the hard way.. but thats what makes the actual friends you find so much more special
8. I might get fat, but I'll still be me. (I read this 3 months later, and I ask myself WHY? With due respect to my juvenile self back then, I will let this be.)
9. Vodafone SUCKS!Also, they're looking for any excuse they get to bar your calls and your sim card :-/

AND YES,

10.Time FLIES, when you're having a good conversation

My perspective has broadened though.Its when you come to a place like this,where everyones smart,everyone's overachieving, everyone's talented that you realise you actually might NOT be the best, and how small you are in the grand scheme of things.

Right now I'm in the stage when EVERYTHING, from the idli sambhar in my college to the library facinates me :P .. I sign up for everything I can, and then complain about the lack of time...and when I DO have time.. oh well, lets not even get into that now :P

Todays day has been rather strange though. I feel nostalgic, nonplussed,disillusioned,wistful.. maybe its the week taking its toll.. maybe its just me being me :D
Its rather daunting to think though, 10 years.. 10 years since the war of Kargil.I have hazy memories of that time.. dad coming back home late, the look of worry on my parents faces, the atmosphere of depression that hung over all of us.

I was too too small of course, to realise what was happening, to take in the seriousness of the event. What must it be like? To be able to love your country so much, that everything else dims in comparison. To be the relative of someone who laid their life down, change the course of even THEIR life in your passion.. Its unimaginable,not difficult but almost impossible to even think from that perspective..I only hope though,that sacrifices like these don't get lost.. in our apathy , our mind numbing capacity to be completely obsessed with OUR lives..Till then.. this quote.. that I simply loved..

Wars come and go, but my soldiers stay eternal.

A very bored,

Nikho =)

Rambling...Rambling yet again!

"when you have your first kiss, for it to be really good, you want it to mean
something.You want it to be with someone you cant get out of your head, so that
when the lips touch,you feel them everywhere, a kiss so deep, so hot , so real,
you don't want to come up for air.You cant cheat it. And its when you find that
first kiss that you find everything."

You cant see a quote like that and not let the world (however small when it comes to the population that actually reads my blog)not hear bout it!!Almost makes you want to be in love,crazy,infuriating,maddening and trying that it can be..Now WOULD be a good time to shut up though, yes?

Naah.. this isnt a revelation about kisses(gotcha there ), this isnt even about my new found love for greys anatomy and the extensive wisdom it continues to impart in my life(though really you MUST watch it!!!)... this post is actually pretty much nothing... just the confused ramblings of your average(maybe a little above so) teenager.. so.. i turned 17(!!!), had the most awesome birthday ever in the history of birthdays and the most crappy new years too =/..

three months left to the boards, and I'm pretty much living in a state of surreality(PLEASE let that be a word!!)a state where all I do is sleep, eat (or not actually) and watch movies( blame that on the egghead), ah blissful existence.. one unfortunately that comes to an end.. starting ummm today..school starts tomorrow ( oh JOY) and its back to the grind once again... seems so strange though... it seems just yesterday when I made an entry about rachina, varunleaving their comfort zones and going to colleges, I saw and sympathised with their confusion, the chaos and pandemonium it all brought.. and now out of the blue I am enevloped by it myself.. looking at prospective colleges, thinking about which stream to take, making resolutions to study and well..lets leave it at that ;) ,hoping like hell you get into some place good and wondering when exactly it happened that you became old enough to start worrying about all this...You're ilyplaying roller coaster tycoon one minute, watching shrek and there it is.. the future looming uncertainly over your head, scary,inviting,unnerving and exciting.I think I know what I want to do, but then again I might not, Kavya KNOWS she doesnt know what to do, Aashay doesnt really have a choice or doesnt think he does at any rate,Bhavna knows what she's meant to do but insists on underestimating herself to make us lesser mortals feel worse.. and Jayant.. well he's just another story all together:P .. does this look to you like a bunch of youngsters that are going to make it big in life?!? For some strange reason it does to me :D what is it about adolscence, about youth that gives you that rush to convince you that you're capable of anything under the sun?!!?That makes us so very cocky, intolerably confident,brash and ready to take on the wordl!?

And yet why is it when our country comes under seige with a terrorist attack in the heart of the country, the best that we can do is send messages to each other proclaiming we will wear white as a symbol of peace the next day? Making a fashion statement is DEFINITELY going to help, of course the terror,corruption and chaos in the country will come to a standstill with our choice in clothes. I don't claim to know that what exactly it is that we need to so, heck who am I anyways.. just a 17 yr old who talks to much .. but there HAS to be more to this, more that we can do, can think of.. maybe the next time that we get frisked at the mall, we could complain a little less about being "felt up" and co operate instead,the next time(god forbid though) a 26/11 happens in the country,lets not conviniently wipe it from our minds a month later,lets stop talking all the time about all thats unfair, stop lighting the candles, stop wearing those white clothes as symbols and instead actually get down there and do something, the next time a crisis hits, lets be more vigilant,more alert.. sure the politicians suck, but why shouldnt they? Arent we the least bit responsible for lulling them into this sense of complacency?! And this is not just about a horrific terrorist attack, its about are everyday actions that reek of corruption, of hypocricy,of indifference and apathy.Drinking and driving , whats the big deal? Unless the police are out checking of course, going out to vote once you are of age.. who has the time or the inclination?,we give a beggar alms at the road, and are happy to have done our good deed for the day, but when a child refusing charity decides to sell stuff on the road and earn his living we scoff at him, who's going to join the armed forces, when there are better more well paying jobs calling out to us?When I had to get a license made, I went through an agent,and sailed through the learner's test, who is to blame if I cause an accident tomorrow?Blah been there,done that it sounds as corny to me writing it as it would to you reading the same.. but just a thought to dvelve on.. many actually but what the heck :D

Till then I sign off with another pearl of wisdom from Greys :D :D :D

"Of course its not perfect.Its life.Lifes messy."

**Nikho**