For you... a thousand times over.

Wow.. this must be the UMPEENTH time I've started typing in the dashboard in attempt to get back to my forever neglected blog...! Seriously, I should just be quarantined.. no downright diagnosed with an extreme case of the forever feared "writers block"!!!









So, while I've been gone.. a lot has happened in my small little world.. the biggest happening of which would be getting my dog(FINALLY!!!!!!!).. SMOKEY!!!!!!!! However eloquently I put it in words, to even try and do justice to the happiness he gives me would be doing injustice to it!And what can I say?!!?

1. He's Cute
2. He's adorable :D
3. He's MINE!!!!!!!!!!! <3

A lot has been happening around the world as well .. and I'm not too sure if I'm too happy with the way things are going ;) .. I mean firstly..

INFLATION!!!! OH MY GOD..!!! I never thought ( or rather wished..!) that i would see a day when it would take me freaking 60 Rs from lifestyle till my house..! Now even biscuit rates seem to be going up ( Hmph..I bet milano is more expensive too.. *sniff sniff*)uhm actually not that it matters to me but I just felt like mentioning it so what the hell :D,and the worst part being my allowance just does not seem to be witnessing the same inflation!!

Oh well.. I am(what "I" , I bet the whole of India is ;) ) just hoping that this is a "passing trend" , heck it better be!

On another note.. everyone around me just seems to be leaving.. Sushma for the US, Raichu for her college in chennai, Varun for bombay,banglore..wherever(god,someone put his picture next to indecisive in the dictionary man!),Half my seniors in school for places I can't be bothered to keep track of. Entrances,Admissions,Applications.. these seem to be the only words I seem to have been hearing for a long, long time..!Its been a flurry of activities , a constant whirlwind of emotions for all of them. There's been disappointment,rejection, confusion,anger,repentance,nervousness..all of it..But beneath all this, I've also seen hope,seen the anticipation in these eyes as they envisage a new place, new people, a new found freedom and in some cases (you know.. apart from those who might not be actually going away for their colleges..?!) a completely new life.The eagerness to break into this new mould,the excitement.. its nearly contagious!At the risk of sounding cliched, they look just like those zealous birds .. raring to fly out of their nests, and explore the world for all its worth ;) (these are birdies that I sure will miss :) )I might be a bit too dramatic,but even being a part of it all is rather exciting.!! In a way, I feel like I'm seeing reflections of what I am going to be witnessing next year.Sure most of the time it scares me a little, terrifies me even,yet at some crazy level I can't help but look forward to it :)

Recently though, I have pretty much been the lazy bum that I am ;) .. one good thing that came out of all this would be the decent amount of reading that I managed to pack in :).. speaking of which

My entry would be incomplete without mentioning a book that has had a most profound effect on me is reading the "Kite runner".Too say that the book is beautiful would be an understatement of the year. The journey of two boys from contrasting socio-economic backgrounds sticking by each other through their childhood triumphs and petty trials and tribulations touches the heart in all the right chords.The author captures Aamir's failures, his doubts and his ultimate collapse of character during his childhood in a manner that is superb beyond words.His lack of self confidence, and confusion at his fathers apparent but strange lack of affection all hit home. In comparison, Hassan's (the sidekick and hazra servant of aamir) unwavering loyalty, his devotion, patience and almost unrealistic love towards Aamir render you speechless and horrified at the his tragic outcome at the same time. It was one of the few books that made me cry. One of the few books that made me thankful for having lived in a country, born to parents and an environment that has allowed me to thrive as an individual.Yet it also made me painfully aware of the fact, that while I and a million other girls all over the world blossomed, a million other women scattered over places like Afghanistan and parts of even India are like those flowers that have been cut off just as they were budding.What would be it like, to live each and everyday with their realisation that your voice was born to be silenced, that you mighit never be given the "privilege" of education even if you yearn for it while your male counterparts( and possibly even females ones like me..!!) are floundering it away, to make the oppression, the almost daily humiliation and constant scrutiny a habit and way of your life.I can't help but shudder at the prospect of such a life, and yet, it is a stark reality, a reality these women are possibly living without so much so as a word of complain.As I read in the book"Every woman needed a husband. Even if he did silence the song in her."How true. Even behind the facade of modernisation, a woman is deemed incomplete without a husband even today in our "progressive" society.A line so sad, yet so subtly descriptive of women all over.

Through this book, I was also introduced to the horrors of a war, of being colonised by another country or an extremist political institution.The extent to which human values can be degraded, eroded and made a mockery of,and finally the triumph of the human spirit that ( one can only hope, a majority of the time) rises out of it.Hope, determination, compassion and courage, one of those many values that brings us out of trying times, however dark they may be.

Perhaps, I am reading a bit too much into the book(Uh wait books are MEANT to be read, but hey you got the point right!?!?),maybe I'm not. But one thing is for sure, for a little while at least, the world seems a bit brighter, my family,friends and freedom and lack of any overtly horrific tragedy till now(touch wood and thank god :) ) a boon.



And every time I think of a close friend, my parents, smokey :P or just simply unconditional,unadulterated love and loyalty towards a person, these words will linger in my mind forever,


" For you,a thousand times over"

Trying hard to get back..

*Nikho*

A bit of this , that and my thoughts..!

Story of my life..just when I have my exams.. I ALSO have :

1. Dance classes that get over 5 days before my exam.. leaving me to wallow in self pity and panic... yeah did i mention panic?( ok.. so i brought it upon myself.. but there could be no earthly way I was missing this class..I mean hello.. this is Aneesha we are talking about.. it was almost like a conspiracy to keep me from doing well.. honest!)
2. A new.. absolutely unread stack of Gerrard Durells in the childrens library at the club.. geez now I cant give up on that.. CAN I?
3. A new found OBSESSION ( no trust me.. there is no other word for it) for FRIENDS.. that compels my helpless body to drag itself to the television at 11 : 30 and 12 : 30 in the night..and gee.. doesnt take any rocket scientist to figure out what I , or any sane ( wait.. did I just say SANE??!?) person would be doing during that half hour interval..oh and this is AFTER I watch FRIENDS at 7:30 while I am trying my best not to pass out in the gym too :P
4. An irresistable urge to talk on the phone for long hours.. and worry about how much portion I have left..while I am doing absolutely NOTHING about it.. =)
5. daydream.. sigh.. I <3>

Well.. surprise,surprise.. the exams are over(read.. so is my life.. after the results though).. and I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do.Its like I've been enveloped in this warm, fuzzy blanket of lethargy that I just cant seem to get off me!!

Which.. uhmm.. might I just add.. really SUCKS.

But I guess this is just one of the mysteries of life that I am just not destined to understand..

On the brighter side though.. IT RAINED>>!!!

And not just rained, it poured..the cats and dogs, the really splashy noise making, the kinds you can nearly see rains :D
No sane person would sit home when they could be out in such smashing weather.. right..right?!?!?!!?!?

So out we were.. kavya and me.. walking around.. with an umbrella halfheartedly dragged along.. of course, I am not going to bother to bore you with the details of the subsequent addition of nadia to our entrouge and the ensuing mud fight that followed... coz uhmm thats that :D (smooth huh)

It is strange though.... how much one just blabbers when you're on a sleepover... I mean from the most trivial anecdotes to the deepest of the secrets they all just seem to come tumbling out over these tell all nights..want to get some dirty dough on a person...? just call em over for a sleepover!

Oh well.. I digress from my point.. its just that kavya and me had this interesting conversatio( read, I shot the questions..and on account of the whole sleepover magic thingy i just apprised you about.. she readily answered..*evil laughh*) at three in the night.. when our subject of intersest turned out to be the world.. and what we found unfair in it..

well.. if you ask me... I can draw up a fair list :D (on the whole unfair aspect I mean..hehe.. just call me the born whiner) but the point she came up with was staggeringly true.. and that was about how despite whatever we might claim, beauty ( and of the skin deep variety) matters.

I am no saint when it comes to these matters myself.. I'm finicky (WAY TOO finicky as Bhavna and Kavya would readily vouch for :P) about what I wear when I'm out,I'm constantly running to gym(running to gym... LOL.. running.. TO the GYM.. get it ;) ) to shed weight despite all my good intentions because I DO want to look like a million dollars(farfetched,but what the heck), I take hours to get ready and I change in and out of my entire wardrobe in the span of that time, I am constanly lamenting about the "apparent" lack of clothes in my wardrobe, my first appraisal of a person is on the basis of their looks.. you get the point.

I know its shallow.. and I'm constantly reminded of it.. but my mindset.. however much I might try for it to.. doesnt seem to change..and I can safely say, it isnt just me but more than half the world that suffers from this narrow mindedness..but when(that is IF there is even a when) are we going to get rid of it..? Sadly.. I suspect that the time isnt anywhere close.. all of us just seem to be so besotted with the whole idea of beauty about and around us, that the whole concept of "inner beauty" reeks of fakeness to me..and that realisation,trust me is a sad state to be in..

Yeah.. sure beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.. pardon me though.. the beholder(s!) sure seem to be a highly critical lot these days..

But one experience, over this whole week that I really,truly enjoyed would be going to freedom foundation(an institution for AIDS affected kids in bolarum..and DARE you stop reading now :P) after the exams ended.. not to forget, dragging bhav,kavya and varun along with me too..they say once you go to places like these, you really do realise how lucky you are..I never really believed that ( You have to admit.. it does seem kind of uhmm IMPOSSIBLE?).. that is TILL I went to that place.

There are AIDS affected kids.. many of them possible abandoned by their families, shunned by a majority of the society(my mum herself told me that I shouldnt be going so "indiscriminately"..dont ask me.. I cant for the love of god figure out what she meant and frankly.. i dont want to),and still so perfectly happy, so perfectly lovable that it brought all of us to shame .. literally.

The surprising part is.. bonding with the kids is the least complex part or of the entire process.. handling your own feelings and conscience after such a visit.. now thats a toughie.

Hugging them, letting them hold your hand without the slightest flinch, playing with them.. (thats no mean feat though... try playing out-out with these kids.. fiesty is NOT the word :P),talking to them... being yourself.. thats what they seem to want.. and just by letting go of my fears and shedding those unwanted inhibitions.. I got so much more than I had bargained for.. gratefullness, compassion and most importantly...happiness like one I had never experienced before.It is a wonderfully symbiotic relationsip... we flatter ourselves.. thinking that those children need our support.. but the truth be told.. we need those children, their innocence, their optimism, their outlook towards life, their smiles and excitement at your company... a LOT MORE.

Maybe I am sounding preachy,what the heck.. I KNOW i am.. but thats how it is.. an experience.. such that words seem to fail me when I try to describe it...

Oh well.. life is complex,tough and difficult.. but I've learnt to love it for all it is..you have the bad days, the terrrible ones.. but you also have the RAINY days :D , the happy ones.. the ones you share with people you truly love.. the ones you spend in absolute contentment with yourself.. the days on which you form some great friendships..rekindle some old ones.. the ones on which you play hobscotch and become kids again, the ones on which you watch 50 first dates and awww to yourself all day long,the ones on which you have a huge avalanche sundae with extra chocolate guilt free,the ones on which you go through a kazillion albums and realise how cute you WERE as a kid (SIGH),the days on which Ross and Rachael kiss and makeup( for the millionth time ;)) on FRIENDS,the ones on which you cuddle inside your blanket and read all the seven harry potters back to back with your ipod blaring,the ones on which you get all hyper about the rain and have a mud fight in the park :D .. and those days..those days are the ones life is all about :)

Trying to grin and bear it ;)

*Nikho*